Grinding, Variance and boy do I need to work on my Game!

So I was doing well at the $5 Don's on Ipoker, moved up to the $10 Don's and was also doing well... had my $50 starting capital up as high as $1700... but then I tried moving up to the $20 and $30 Don's, BIG MISTAKE!!! I started losing money like leaves blowing in the wind on a fall day. Maybe variance said NO BUDDY you aren't moving up yet... and decided to slap a black ball on any cards I had. The god of the turn and river, usually great friends, joined in to ensure that my hands wouldn't hold up. Plus any of the suckouts I was providing went away and haven't come back for over 4 weeks. I think my dead cat abandoned me for a feline he saw at the Zoo a month ago when I took my kids.
I got as low as $1000 and decided that I am obviously not ready for the jump in games and my Bankroll was feeling pretty sick about the $700 downsing. Now I am back at the $10 games playing both Sng's and Don's on Ipoker and have rebounded back up to just under $1300. I think this time I will wait until I break $2000 before trying to move back up in the buy in levels.
I also re-watched a lot of training videos and worked on an ICM game which hopefully brought my focus back into effect. I still can't work the re-player so review of my HH's is difficult for me at this time.

Derk, a PVT pro, did a review of 2 of my Don games and boy did I play like a fool, fish, donkey, monkey who was just randomly clicking buttons. I am not sure if it was just the 2 worst HH's I sent him or not but I am sure it made me realize I have a lot of work to do if I plan on still playing the Don's. Lot's of forum searching for answers on PVT, pokerstrategy and 2p2 to see what else I can think about and improve to increase my play at the tables.

I saw a few posts from some people I used to think were "idols" and lost some respect for the comments and life choices they made and are making. Also jumping to conclusions about things they didn't have full facts on was just plain ignorance on a level I have seen too often in this world. We all make mistakes, we all make our own choices and other peoples opinions sometimes makes us do or act in ways we might not of if we had only thought about consequences ahead of time. No need for the long/whole story but I am sure you kind of get what I mean.

I am finally starting to fully accept that my brother is gone, for good, for real and am trying to appreciate the things in life that matter most to me... family, poker, food, poker, love, poker, lol.
My wife and my mother want me to try for a baby girl... yes that's what I said a baby girl. I already have 3 boys am still paying of my college loan (still 1/5 left but almost gone) and there is no guarantee that my female sperm will win the race against my boy sperms this time. I guess I am destined to have a big family not be rich, unless I break through in the poker world and enjoy my family time even more, like for an extra 19 more years minimum. My doctor said my chances of having a girl are like 1-4 but no promises since my male sperm obviously swim faster.

I am almost finished reading another poker book by Sklansky and am moving on to one written by Gus Hansen, the great Dane... hope it makes me open my thoughts to ways of deeper thinking about the game. Reading Bluff magazine in spare time (bathroom breaks) and watching many videos gives me lots of thought about how I have been playing lately.

It's almost year end and I am going to have to go back and give those tourneys a few more tries on my "home" poker site to win another year membership at PokerVt :) ... it's hard to complain about things that are free in life, especially when they have been as inspirational as PVT has.
Haven't played much on tigergaming lately and my BR sits around $400, same for Betfair with a dismal $150 BR, on Full Tilt I just recently passed the $2000 mark and have been playing $11 and $14 Sng's with many satty's taking the shot at a few $70 satty's that pay a $216 seat. On Poker Stars I just recently won the PVT weekly Sunday bounty tournament and have just over $400 on it's BR which is pretty good considering I really only play free rolls and PVT events on that site.
So from $50 X 5 sites $250 total I am up to about $4150 in total BR's playing pretty much only part time at nights and on weekends. I made silver iron man on Full Tilt last month for the 15K free roll and made one a day free roll as well which plays next weekend. I came in 19th in the Pokerstars Fox challenge to be on a show with Daniel N, which is just 9 spots out of making a chance to send in an audition tape (so close yet so far). On tiger I am going to win another free year at PVT, I know I will, by the end of December if I start in the next couple of weeks that will give me 10 chances to come in 1st and earn the membership again, last year I won it on the last week in Dec. Betfair doesn't have much to offer and doesn't run many great events or free rolls or anything so I am not going to put much into that site for a while still. On Mansion I almost have enough points to cash in for a bonus $500, so I'll probably do it around X-mas time as a nice little BR boost gift to myself.

Looking forward to next weekend the kids and I are going to Canada's Wonderland, then it's to the parents house for a nice Turkey feast and Pumpkin Pie for Canadian Thanksgiving. Then my younger brother's birthday the week after, then Halloween the week after, then my birthday for and nice cap to the next month or so. Looking forward to lots of food, family and presents.

I want to send out a quick thanks to my friends in other countries... you all know who you are, I appreciate all your kind words and advice during the past while and I wish you all the best. I am also looking forward to a big score soon in a big MTT and plan on sending you some "bonuses" for all your help when I do, Thanks! You are the Man!

Cheers and see you all at the tables!

Hey I think my cat just came back, he smells a little like Cougar... he must have dipped into my supply of Extenze before he took of with some of those cats at the Zoo!